General update, inc an update on my Counselling...

Hello guys and gals, today is Thursday 17th January and it's 5am. I've been up all night again. My initial plan was actually to have an early night and spend the time relaxing and reading my book. But I got sidetracked again, as you all know that I do.

I'd started an Event on Facebook called  "Blog Follow Exchange/Facebook Friend Add... by FaeBooks.co.uk" - you can find it by clicking HERE. I started it, just on a whim really to see if anyone was interested in following each other's blogs. It's gone pretty well so far, hopefully it'll continue. There were a few teething problems though: I'd created a main post for everyone to comment on and add their links, the majority found it ok but some couldn't find it, but never mind, we got there in the end lol.

In an attempt to solve the "can't find the correct post" problem, I took a screenshot and circled the post on the page in bright red lol. Never mind! It's only Facebook. But it is a bit daft where the pinned posts go to on Events, where they go is usually the event description area.

Anyway, I will have to force myself to sleep at some point soon. I can't keep going for 3/4days without any sleep, it just makes me even more ill. 

I've been trying to find some people who want to be Admin on it too to give me a hand before I go to sleep but no such luck as of yet lol. You're all too smart to get roped into it eh? lol

I've been in pain all night - not good! So I'm pleased that it's almost Morning Meds Time again. I've been using my Morphine as well which has helped a bit, I guess I'm just hoping the backup of the other medications will help a bit more.

Tinkerbell Update: She's doing great! Completely back to normal now, as if nothing ever happened. The little Tyke, she had me so worried about her! She's been back with the other puppies and Trixie since Friday, so that's almost a week now. She manages to go to the loo by herself too, no more help needed from us or the vets - so that's a bonus!

All of the puppies are being fed extra, aside from what Trixie is doing. As since they've gotten bigger, and it being a big litter for a toy breed, it's become a lot of hard work for Trixie and she's getting worn out. The vet has provided us with some more Puppy Formulae, which is what we fed Tinkerbell on whilst she was ill. We mix it up and feed it to them all in a dish - which also means they've learned to "lap"  as well. With their tongues that is. I don't mean flying around the room like a bat out of Hell. That's what Teddy Bear does.

Speaking of Teddy Bear, he's next to me just now. Shane's asleep on his back, and Teddy is lying on his own back, in Shane's right arm like a baby. The position isn't unusual, this is often how they sleep. However, normally it'd be Shane doing the loud snoring. Tonight it's Teddy Bear! He's never snored like this before. It's really loud! He sounds like a man never mind a tiny doggy!


I've been asked if I'd like to do some other reviews tonight, but I've had to explain that I've already got quite a few books in my diary to read and review (up 'til May 2013 actually), so I wouldn't want to take a free book from someone, in return for a review, if I couldn't give a specific time frame as to when it'd be read and the review ready to go online. I just hope the authors understand. It's not that I don't want to read the books, it's the exact opposite, I really do. I'm just trying to be fair here. Being an author may be a hobby for some, but it can also be someone's "bread and butter" - their income. I just can't take a book on the premise of "when I get around to reviewing it", it's just not the way I am.

Oh, on a totally different note. I finished the other book I was reading, called Chrysalis by Michel Prince (It'll be featured on my blog on 31st January if you want to learn more about the series). I thoroughly enjoyed the book. The romance in it was lovely, it rekindles those feelings you get when you first meet someone you really like, and takes you through all of the thought processes that many of us go through: Why me? Is there an alterior motive? What do they want from me? Etc. I'm not going to spoil the story, so if you want to find out more, you'll have to head to Amazon and buy the book. I'm really looking forward to reading the second book in the series, that one is called The Beam.

Counselling Update: I met my Counsellor for the second time, last week. I spoke to him about the things that were bothering me since the first time we'd met in December before Christmas. I explained that I felt he was focussing on the wrong problem first. He wants to focus on the Anxiety and getting me outdoors again, but I want him to focus on the Depression. I feel that if I can get the Depression under control, and stop the thoughts that I have, then because I'll be feeling happier in myself, I'll automatically want to go out and do things. I didn't agree to Counselling for my Anxiety, I agreed to it for my Depression. He seemed to completely brush over anything that I said and still wants to plow ahead with his plan. The plan is: To get another woman to come out to see me twice a week, who's going to start introducing me to the outdoors. He says first it'll just be getting me to the door and there for a while, after that it'll be sitting in the garden for half an hour... Hang on! In the garden... In the middle of winter whilst it's below minus... Snow on the ground... For half an hour?... Is he bloody nuts? Am I not in enough pain? Does he not realise that the cold sets off my Fibromyalgia something rotten, so I'm going to end up in even more pain? Well he should, because he said he knew all about Fibromyalgia! Yeah great idea, lets chuck someone with a chronic fatigue & musculoskeletal syndrome out in the freezing cold and see what happens...How about no. I ended up finishing that appointment even more frustrated and perterbed than I was in the first place. Simply because of his total ignorance and refusal to take on board anything that I'd said. I had explained completely, that I don't believe the Anxiety is a problem of it's own accord, I believe that stems as a RESULT OF my Depression. Think about it... Who wants to go outside and play happy go lucky with people, when you feel worse than dirt? I certainly don't. The way I feel, I just want to sit indoors and be left well alone. As I say, he brushed over my concerns and he still wants to go ahead with his original plans, which I think are ridiculous, especially with an ill person in the middle of winter. Would you shove your Granny with sore, aching muscles and joints out in the garden for half an hour when there's snow on the ground? If there answer is no, then you see what I'm saying. With all of my health problems, I do NOT have the body of a 24year old. And throwing all of that aside, surely I should get some say in what I do? He says he's there to help me, but all he's done is prepare me to be forced into doing something that I absolutely do not want to do and never agreed to do in the first place. So now all I've got to do is wait for my next appointment (next week - which is also when I'm meeting this other woman), and I'll try once again to put my point across.

That all being said, he has said that he can arrange for me to have some Bereavement Counselling, from yet another new person. To anyone without my problems, that'd be fine and dandy, but the thought of having to meet all of these new people just makes me feel even more dubious about everything. I have agreed to have the Bereavement Counselling though, as I do think it's something that'll help me to deal with the individual deaths of my two daughters better.

He's said nothing about trying to help me with my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or anything about giving me help with dealing with my abusive childhood. You would think, when you're dealing with a patient with so many problems in different areas, you'd be able to sit down and discuss with said patient, which issues they feel are causing them the most distress. For me, if I had it my way, I'd want the counselling to start from right back at the beginning. My childhood. And work from there up over. Deal with things as they happened. More than anything, give me a chance to talk about everything that's happened, as it's happened, in order. Because as the patient in question, that's what I feel will benefit me the most. If we can go right back down to basics, back to being a kid and going through all of that, it might shed some light on the bigger problems that I have now as a result of everything. How can he try to treat me for Anxiety issues, issues with being around people, if he doesn't address the things that lead me up to developing the problems with people, trusting people and being around them.

Which also brings me to my next point, after all of this, everything from childhood to adulthood and the present day, if he is my first experience of dealing with a new person, who I don't trust, what reason has he given me so far to trust anything that he says or wants to do with me? He hasn't given me any reason to, because he hasn't taken the time to get to know the first thing about me. He's got a tiny notepad and scribbled down a few things that I said the first time we met, and that's what he's going off. What about all the rest? It's like it's just been left there, to hang in mid air in my head and heart, with no kind of resolve being offered...

I'm going to end this post here. I think I've said everything that I needed to say, to try and explain what's going on with me.

Thank you, if you managed to read this far, I appreciate that you follow what I'm doing here.

Sarah xXx